FIVE year milestone

 

five flowers

lots of my friends know about my obsession with the number five. it's my favorite number and shows up in lots of ways throughout my art and life. but now i am loving it even more. five years ago, on my birthday, february 24th, i had a mastectomy. i didn't want to have the surgery, obviously, and especially not on my birthday. but when i was scheduling the appointment that was the first date available. and, at the time it was better to HAVE a birthday to celebrate for the next several years than to fret over that particular one. $%#* cancer.

the general angle

and each year on my birthday i remember that day. i remember that surgery. i remember the room i was in. the cold colors of the walls. the metal trolley holding my i.v. bag and its tube into my body. i remember wheeling it into the bathroom in the dark while loopy and talking to mija on the phone. that was one of the few moments when i didn't feel completely out of my body. i remember the doctors being unable to find a pain med that would work. nothing seemed to help and they kept calling late into the night to get him on the phone to try something else. i remember wishing i were anywhere but in that cold room.

i remember my amazing friends and family visiting me in the hospital. i remember them lined up at the foot of my bed like sweet surprises in a row. lisa brought me a birthday crown. i wear it around the house still. that was lovely to see them all through my post surgery haze.

forgotten

but, let me tell you, having a mastectomy on your birthday sucks. don't do it if you can help it. pick a different day. you will remember it when you would rather move on and forget it. and yet, you can never forget it. no amount of life is going to take the scars away,inside or out. SO - get your mammograms. don't put it off. do self-checks every month. be smart, people! ok, climbing off my pink beribboned soap box now.

escape

and, luckily, this year, tomorrow, on my birthday, i get to celebrate with enormous JOY being five years cancer free. that is huge to me. five years out is the first time the oncologist will consider me cancer free. so it is quite a succulent milestone. i've been waiting to exhale a little since that day i thwacked myself in the boob with a mop and found a lump. five years out from surgery feels like a wonderful, amazing, happy, magnificent relief. life is made up of so many moments all strung together like sparkling gems. tiny and shining. this one moment sums up so much happiness hanging off of worry, love, bravery, sadness, expectation, adjustment, fear, and on and on. right now five equals rocket to the moon happy. so...

take time to live your life in this moment. the little stuff truly isn't worth worrying about, well, not much is worth worrying about. don't be so serious. love big. laugh loud. and dance every chance you get. that's what i'm doing. mwah!

Comments

[Patti V]

I am SOOOO happy for you sweet Kelly!!!! that is wonderful news today...just got my 6 mo reminder for my follow-up to check what they believe is a benign milk cyst (odd to me since i never had kids lol....) they just check it each 6 mo to make sure it isnt growing. This is year 2...I hope to hear the good news too...
Congratulations!!!!!

[Cary]

You wonderful, brave soul! Reading that brought tears to my eyes. I'm so proud to call you my friend. Much love to you, and Happy, Happy Birthday!

[Nancy]

Congratulations on both the birthday and milestone! Love reading your thoughts, you express yourself so beautifully. Hope this year is your best yet....

[~*Amber Dawn*~]

~*MUAH! HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLY!!!*~
It is the 20FIFTH today. :) I am hoping that your first day being ** was AWESOME and that you feel LOVED, LIKED and appreciated!
:) *HUG*
I hope that you are able to be cancer free for the rest of your life!
God Bless You Abundantly!
Thank you for being a sweet source of inspiration and entertainment!
:)
Have a rockin' year!
Amber

[Bethany Geurin]

I remember that day at the foot of your hospital bed, for you are and always will be my little sister. I remember trying to think don't say anything stupid, yeah right, but all I could do was pray Help me Jesus, We need her, these little boys need her.
Then I'd drive your car and take them to school, of course you'd scheduled art, of which I am not artsy at some place only the GPS knew where it was and it was off the freeway, we don't have those where I live. I left the chicken out and thought someone would eat me alive. I felt so inadequate and then I'd think, just think how she feels. I love you sister, I know in some small way I helped by being there and I had to be there, that wasn't an option, not in this family, not for me, I could control something if I was there, isn't it funny, we don't control a thing and I've learned that over the last five years and more than anything I've learned how much I appreciate you. It also makes me think, maybe we shouldn't use mops. Just a little of my warped humor. I'll never forget where and when I got the call from Mama for I couldn't wouldn't believe, it couldn't be. But look how far you've come and what a light you've been. Just had my mammogram and when I think of putting it off I think of you. I actually probably detest pink sometimes but time has healed that too. You don't have to post this one. The chicken, you probably don't remember but I was almost done in by thawed chicken which still had ice on it and a raving husband who really was scared to death about his wife, the only time I wanted to give in but I'm thankful I stuck it out.
I'm thankful you're still here for me to pick on and love. Always

[Birgitta]

mwah!
This indeed is something to celebrate!
Very Happy for YOU!!
And we often do worry and get upset about small unimportant things in life..
I wish You a great Year ahead and even if living far away I have the book A Charming Exchange in my studio
saw the tracks of You in my supply shop on Etsy ........thats how I came to have a look around today over here even though Your blog is linked from mine for a long time :)