today it is the oldest. he had a fever all of the day yesterday. and for at least the last four nights he has been up every single night at 3:00 a.m. unable to sleep. a girl starts to feel like a ping pong ball in a clothes dryer after this. i can't imagine how he feels. but, after a plate of apple slices and triple ginger cookies with a glass of cold milk he feels a little better. that's what moms do even when mom wanted to go shopping with her birthday gift cards.
The closest I've come to being creative is planning sculptures I want to make while sitting at a red light. I'm sure I must look utterly absurd as I measure them out with my hands sure as if they are right in front of me. A girl has to work with what she can wherever she finds herself. And, being a mom is my main job now. With my oldest turning into a teenager I find my emotional tasks running a long list of things to do. He and I are both super intense, highly sensitive people and we can either butt heads or see eye to eye with very little middle ground. I am sometimes in too deep and busy with a back peddle. I used to keep a textural journal about my every day life, inner and outer. When my second son came along I shelved it. There wasn't time. But now, I think a journal, a visual journal, is truly something I need. Where else will I put my fox self?