Soul Humming

Doodling

 

 


 

 

 

Goodbye Rabbit

Some of us awake much more energetic than others.

The Summer Solstice...

 

 

...is also my wedding anniversary!

I am thankful to the good Lord above for watching over me and bringing my husband into my life. Not a day goes by that I do not know how blessed I am.

 

Happy Anniversary, Darlin'!

The Newest Journal Keeper

 

i took the boys to the art supply store yesterday and got them each a wonderful journal. i told them that we would work in our journals each week together. i want their journals to be about them, by them, and for them. i'm really looking forward to spending the time being crafty together.

at night, as soon as we were home from swimming, my youngest grabbed up his journal and announced that he was writing his own comic book Today. and he got right down to it. he is busy this minute writing the story which is turning out to be quite an adventure. it is full of friends who wake up with mysteriously colorful glowing skin on friday the 13th. he keeps coming in to share the newest parts with me. it's awesome.

when school ends it is tempting for me to sign them up for art classes, tennis camp, or summer school. but our school year is scheduled so tightly that when summer rolls around we all want a break. and, i know i have lots of things that i can teach them (including doing the laundry!). it makes me so happy when they are eager to try new things and find fun in some of the same activities that bring me joy. they are finally at the age where they can truly take on many of the art projects that i love. my oldest is very much anticipating a paper clay project we are going to  start. i have quite a list of ideas for creative play this summer. i'll keep you posted!

 

Keep Moving

 

 

Father's Day has come and gone. My father died just a little more than a month ago. But, he was lost to me many years ago, really. Still, there was no physical separation. We were blocked through the mist of his brain injury. How do you let go when someone you love is behind a veil looking out at you but cannot remember where you live?

I spent so many years burying everything about my Dad that when he finally passed it was all too heavy to unload. Slowly, slowly bits of this massive grief peel away in strange places, sometimes silently, sometimes publicly. I think that if you constantly put on a happy face everyone around you assumes you are fine. I try to keep moving but inside there is turmoil and roiling waves of flat out terror. Trying to process sadness in the midst of a joyful life is a balancing act. Being a mother doesn't afford blocks of time to work it all out. But that is a gift. Nothing sad can be held onto for very long when there are rocks to be gathered and jokes to be told. As Yehuda Amachai says, you must love and hate with the same heart. And it is also this way with grief. It all happens simultaneously, one emotion folded over on top of another, seamlessly pressed together to fuse new layers of the  spirit. And this is my life today.

Finding inspiration...

 

with my sleepy friends.

 

 

 

Be careful, little mouth, what you say...

 

You can tell more about a person by what he says

about others than you can by what others say

about him. 

~Leo Aikman

 

 

I wish I had a magic sword...

 

I found this in my oldest son's backpack. I asked him what it was. He said, "...just something we did." His four wishes filled me with hope and made me remember what it feels like to be a young dreamer. And my wish would be that they could come true.

 

"I wish I had a magic sword to watch over those who were bad.

I wish I had so much food I could make the needy glad.

I wish fighting would cease to exist and weapons would be myths.

I wish that peace would come alive in this world and all others."

- Finn, age 11

rekindling

i'm still here. i'm actually beginning to dream again. for quite some time there, i was not. i was busy being completely void and numb. but slowly, slowly paint is telling me stories. outlines are being made. sketches are screaming for faceted gems to find their own reality. and, now, incrementally, i am raising my sleepy self up out of the damage to listen. soon, fingers crossed, soon, i will be revived. and will return to share.